Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
