She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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