if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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