Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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