I showed him my bush... on skype.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
