When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
