Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
