I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
