They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
