I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Randomize
