Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
