The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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