you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
