so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
