Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
