just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
