No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
