Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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