Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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