hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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