Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
