I need to stop coming to work sober
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
