mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
