people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
