me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
