im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
