Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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