whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
