i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
