my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
