A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
