This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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