my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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