I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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