Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
