im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
