Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
