I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
