Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
