Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
