I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
