Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
