I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
