Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
