thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
