i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
