don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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