So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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