she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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