apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
